Right.

There are some weeks when reading Lady Lazarus makes more sense than reading Psalms all night. Reading motivational quotes and stories seem nice, but you have no ability to recognize them as a reality. You’re tired. Everyone is moving at a fast proficient pace, but you’re stuck. You can do nothing, especially nothing right.

Your mind is a maze. It refuses to stay on one topic for too long, and it’s constant changing of topics leaves you feeling drained. You can’t hold a conversation because you can’t focus, and you just know you are being judged for it. Nothing is right.

Your body aches. Your eyes hurt. You can’t stay clean enough. Everything is dirty. Food is an after thought. You eat only because you know you have to, and nothing even sounds remotely appealing. So absent-mindedly you shovel in the easiest thing you can make or find. Nothing is right.

You can’t cry. Crying takes to much effort, and you are already exhausted. Smiling can happen, but it never usually lasts long. It leaves your cheek muscles feeling strained. A passive mood usually does the trick. It takes no true effort. Nothing is right.

Maybe a walk? No. The sun is too hot, or the clouds are too grey. The chirping birds are too loud, and the flowers are not alive enough to even enjoy. It will just make you tired. Although you are already tired. Nothing is right.

No chores are getting done, so you stress about your unproductiveness. You always knew you were a lazy person. This just proves it. You will never get anything right.

You sit down to try to watch a superhero movie because trying to escape in a movie is better than trying to escape into your own dark mind. Hopefully you will just fall asleep. Nothing about this is right.

Before you go to sleep for good that night, you reread Psalm 139. You can’t form your own prayer, so you keep rereading one already written. It will get better. You have been here before. These weeks eventually pass. Things get right again.

You and I both know though, that having the knowledge that this time will pass, does not make climbing out of your own personal hell any easier. It is hard. It will get done. Sometimes it just takes time for things to be right.